friendship

Oliver the Friend…Reconnecting

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The last week and half, I’ve had a great time hanging out with friends that I haven’t talked to in a while.  It was great to reconnect with them and see what’s new and what’s going on.  The cool thing about this is that we were still friends.  We caught up, we chatted, and we chatted for a couples of hours.  The act of reconnecting with them is great.

Life does get in the way.  But does it really?  I think opportunities such as meeting up with friends and catching is part of life.  It is understandable that priorities change and sometimes friends / friendships do get put on the way side.  That’s that life.  However I have found that to rekindle such a friendship or at least let them know that you are there and still thinking about them, is by just taking a minute or two to say hello.

Here is where connecting is important.  If you really want to reconnect with someone, make it happen rather than wait for it to happen.  Usually what I like to do is every once in awhile when I have chatted or heard from friends, is to contact them any way necessary.  Traditionally I use Facebook, Twitter, and email to check in with them.  I usually use one or another depending on how I know best works for them.  I know you may ask, why not call them?  Well that’s something that I have to work on.  And the main reason that I don’t do that is that I don’t like it with I just want to say and hello and they are in the middle of something.  It just becomes awkward for them and myself.  So instead I use the previously mentioned communication tools to reconnect so they can do it at their own leisure.  And it guess in a way is that it is a “test” if the friendship is still there.  And more times than not it is still there.

Reconnecting with these friends over the last few days have been great.  It is cool to see that they are doing well and doing their own thing.  There is nothing more exciting than seeing a friend do something that they mentioned to you previously and now you come to find out that they are doing it.  To me that is just cool.

Also when you do catch up with them it gives them an opportunity to see what’s going with you.  They catch up about you too and they get to ask the questions that they want answered about you.  So that’s great.  Friends really do care about you and they will ask questions to see what is up with you.

Friendships are based on relationships.  Just like every one of them, you have to seek them, connect them, nurture and foster them, and drop in every once in awhile to see how it coming along, check in with them.  Friendships are easily enough to make but keeping them is where the work happens.  Yes, friendships are work.  And it is the ones that you care for the most that do take work.  You have to maintain them and support them.  Unlike a lot of things, you may or may not have to check in consistently but you will have to be pretty good at checking in every once in awhile.  And when is that you may ask, well that’s up to you.  I usually try to do it every month or so.  You’ll most likely get a Facebook post, tweet, or e-mail from me.  And usually I say, just dropping in to say hello.  But it does take work.  Note, that the “work” isn’t what it sounds like.  It means that it requires the care to want to maintain that friendship.

I do feel bad when I don’t keep in touch with friends.  But I do care for them greatly.  I miss those times of hanging out.  But I also understand that we each have our own lives and that we have to live them.  What’s important to note is that we at least keep each other informed of what’s going on.  And maintain a friendship is easy enough with the things we have these days.  All it will take is a, quick, “hey buddy, how are you?  Hope all is well.” in some form to show that care.  But you have to genuine about it.  You CAN’T just do it for doing it, you have to really WANT TO and CARE about it.

So to reconnect with friends, start with the same way that you met, SAY HELLO.  And let the friendship continue.  🙂

Thanks to all my buddies that I have caught up with recently.  I appreciate our friendship and wish you all the best in your endeavors.  Drop me a line sometime and we grab a beer and food.  Keep in touch.  Cheers!

 

Oliver the Friend…Mending It

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Friends are those people in your live that become your second family.  They are the ones outside of family that you spend the most time with.  They are the one that are there for other moments that your family can’t be at.  The best ones support, humble, and tell you like it is when you feel that you don’t need it.  They are the ones that care and want you to succeed and the ones that at your lowest point will be there.  Friends are important.  But those few friends; those true friends are the ones that everyone I believe need to find, have, and nurture.  Because they are the ones that will be there for you and surprise you the most.

Well a couple of years ago, I had one such friend.  Although I won’t disclose the details of what exactly happen ( that would just turn out to be a very stupid rant, that I would like to spare you ) but looking back at it now.  That friendship connection was lost all because of ME.  It was solely me and me along.  My friend / buddy, didn’t really need that from me especially at a time when we were good buds.  And if you are reading this, I’m SORRY.

I’m sorry for questioning our friendship.  I’m sorry for being stupid enough to think that you didn’t care.  I’m sorry for not realizing what you where really doing.  And I understand why you didn’t want to deal with it.  And know it was completely and utterly my fault.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.  That friend that I mentioned, contacted me and wanted to hang out and catch up.  At this point, we both have started building amends and slowly building up the friendship again.  But just like all friendships that start, it does take time to build it again.  Especially with the way that I acted.

When we met up.  I was freaking nervous as HELL.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I didn’t know of the old scares would be brought up or if there was still some anger there.  But time and time again from what I learned from the World Domination Summit; I had to be vulnerable and see what happen.  Let what was about to happen, happen.  And just go through it.  Face the fear and uncertainty in the face.

So with the text sent, I had to make the phone call.  The reason being was because I was lost in trying to find he’s apartment.  And nervously I waited for the phone to be answered. And when it did.  With a split second heath, I said; Hey dude.  And I got a response of hey.  After a minute or two of orientation of where exactly I was, we met up.  And with a hand shake, everything seem well.  And it was well.  Nothing but a warm welcome and a good conversation.

As we chatted it looked and felt like we just left off where we ended or temporary put on hold our friendship.  At least on my part there was still a bit of nervousness because I just didn’t know.  But slowly I eased into the conversation and it felt like old times.  The conversation of what was going on in our lives and what trips and photos we took recently.  And also catching up on how some mutual friends are.  I totally felt bad for the amount of time that we didn’t speak to on another.  I couldn’t help but think of the adventures we would have been on since then.

Now not stewing on what ifs or should have beens, I took this opportunity as a new way to start the friendship over again.  I truly do hope that our friendship continues.  It would be nice to have that again.  Relive that one.  It was good friendship and one that because of stupid things had a bumpy road.  But I’m glad that we are able to be friends again.

Here’s a few pieces of advice if you are having difficulty with some friends:

  1. Think about what really is going.  See if there is an external reason causing any of the hardship.  And look for it because usually there is.
  2. Be HONEST.  Seriously this may be hard but you’ll need to face at one point or another.  Do it sooner than later because later words that you don’t mean come out and just make things more complicated.
  3. If you have more than one friend that is still encouraging you to salvage the friendship, trust them, and see if it can be salvage.
  4. Friendships are relationships and it might take some time to mend and strains but if it truly worth it do give up.
  5. And if all else fails, YOU have to, as cleanly as possible END IT.