The last two days or few for that matter, I have been struggling with being restless. Sometimes it seems to me that when things are going well, a little too well, that eventually there is that moment when the shit hits the fan. And then things get dirty and stinky.
As of late there have been a lot of things going in my life. Some good and some not so good. And dealing, managing, and addressing all of these things have started to weigh down on me and make me restless. I try to be calm and collective but sometimes I just mentally freak out. These are the time where everything seems that it can not get accomplished and I just fell overwhelm and the solution or the more like it that I take is that I just shut down and deep down I wish it would complete itself. But I know from experience that this is not the case. By doing what I just did, it simply delays the uncomfortable situation where I have to face myself and see that I’m not perfect. The stupid thing is that I don’t see myself as perfect however I sometimes try to make it seem like it. But deep down I can be scared and afraid to admit this to friends. The thoughts of, being looked at differently and judged in a manner of being less than what I am now is scary to think about.
I have this one nightmare that I tell everyone the way that I feel and everyone just defriends and no longer speaks to me. And I just wake up in a daze and confused feeling because I couldn’t understand why my friends would just do that to me. I attribute this nightmare to my younger childhood when I wasn’t seen as anything special because I wasn’t one of the popular kids. At the time I just told myself; ill show them. And shoe them I did, I focus all my efforts on my studies and things that I could do myself and not ask for help. Looking back at it now, I did this to show off and show that I am valuable and I have something to offer. But I think at the time I just wanted to show off that I was better than they thought. But still after all that time and effort I still wasn’t good enough. It seemed it didn’t matter at all, I was still seen in the same way. And again I couldn’t understand.
Even to this day I still do this and admittedly it still feel really weird when I do get compliments and applause because for the longest time too, it seemed that I would only get this when people wanted something from me. Basically I know they were going to use me and then leave me. But the frustrating thing is that I knew it but I still did it anyway because there is a big part of me that everyone has good in themselves and their good will come out. Bit unfortunately more times than not this hasn’t been the case. Which I think to this day makes it hard for me to accept achievements as true achievements because I still think that nothing I do is special and that everyone can do it. This is one thing that I still struggle with and try to work on.
I know that a lot of the friends that I have met over year sincerely and wholeheartedly mean well when they compliment me and I really do appreciate it. I really do because it is with those friends that I just want to hug them and just overwhelming say thank you to them for believing me.
I think the hardest hurdle for me is being restless and having all these scenarios running in my head. My mind runs in so many directions that sometimes I can’t figure out what is true or not. I come with these scenarios that may or not occur. But instead of letting it happen I think too much about it. And I think I do this is to less the pain, embarrassment, and uncomfortable feeling that comes when things just don’t turn out as I hoped.
If you are still reading this at this point thank you. I appreciate you listening to me go on and on about this. But I wanted to let you know, I really do see the best in people first. I know that if I have made friends with you and we have build a good relationship of getting to know one another I am thankful for your friendship. You have truly made me feel blessed and happy. I know with your support and genuine friendship I can overcome this. But just know that sometimes a one on one conversation or a simple message of; “Hi, how are you doing? I hope you are well. wanna hang out?” from time to time is always a nice gesture and I do appreciate it. I still live under the premise of the golden rule of; TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.
Author: Oliver Asis
Oliver the Foodie…Juicing
Today I decided to take better of myself. I realized that I have fallen off the wagon of good eating habits and activities lately. Today the post lunch food coma was just bad. It was seriously one of those that you just wanted to nap and not do anything at all. Yes, I can blame it on the weather; it being hot and humid, not to my liking. But seriously it, there is no one or anything to blame except me.
A couple night ago, I watch the documentary: Fat, Sick, and nearly Dying. This documentary struck a cord with me because it made me realize that I need to take control of my life and take better with myself. In the documentary, Joe Cross, goes through a total transformation by enlisting a juice diet of vegetables and fruit for 60 days and also through exercise and completely turns he’s life around.
Watching this got me thinking that I could do something similar. I’m not about to embark on a 60 day juice diet but the idea of juicing vegetables and fruit on a daily basis would be something I could do. I had ample supply to fresh veggies and fruit with my CSA (community supported agriculture) and I had a juicer, my dad purchase one awhile back and no one was using it.
So with all those items in my favor I decided today on top of everything else I’m currently doing that I would begin including juicing as part of my normal eating habits and I hope to go back to feeling good like I did a few months back when I began with my CSA.
Today’s vegetable and fruit juice is titled: Mighty Green.
Ingredients:
4 handfuls of Kale
4 cucumbers
3 green apples
1 whole stock of celery
1/2 of fennel
Run through the juicer and enjoy.
I will post more recipes and updates here as the journey continues.
Oliver the Friend…Talking and Listening
I love to talk. I have always been known in the family as the talkative one. I was and sometimes still that curious little boy who loved tell mom and dad about that new thing I learned. I was always to share the knowledge with other to help them see more and understand why things are the way they are. Even to this day when you get to know me, I throw out random facts about people, places, and things. Sometimes to unsuspecting friends and strangers it would come off that I have been to a place that I never have been to before.
One of my favorite passages growing up was looking at maps and our collection of encyclopedias that my mom and dad bought when my sister and I were young. These books would entertain me for hours while I would go page to page examining the pictures and trying to understand them so I can tell others about it. I always felt growing up that if I was curious about something someone else was bound to be curious as well. For the most this was the case however I was always disappointed when I find out that a person wasn’t interested at all. I didn’t understand as a kid why random fact about the place that they were in didn’t matter to them. And this even Madeira want to dig deeper. So I would ask why? Why? Why? And eventually I would get an answer from that person. And sometimes not being satisfied to what they said I would it look up to just make sure that they didn’t just tell something so I would forget.
Over time this questioning stop because I would often find that most people just didn’t enjoy the questions or random fact that would say. So I stopped. But when someone would give a listen and they seem genuinely I would go on and on like when I was a younger. And I an talk.
Secondly, I also love to listen to people’s stories. Growing up I love sitting near my mom, dad, aunties and uncles when we would have parties. I would sit there listening to the stories they where telling to one another. At least with my aunties hey would always be surprise to find out that I would understand what they were saying. And I would love to hear the banter that my uncles would do when they hung out. It was such a great way to listen nail earn how to tell stories to a captive audience. It was during these times that I learned about listening for the details and finding the connection between parts of the stories and then I would go further to connect to the things that was being said. One of my favorite things to do was get quizzed by my uncles about all things geography and transportation. I would get ask questions about these things and I would answer them with so much confidence that sometime I would get frustrated when they didn’t believe in me even after showed them that it was true with what I was saying.
So to this day when I hang out with friends and family I’m a talker. I chat about some of the most random things with them but that’s because I find out details about them when they chat about things. I’m always keeping mental notes about people on my head and when I find something for them I would email, Facebook message, etc them the information. I do this because I genuinely would like them to get their questions answered or have their issues resolved for them. So when you hang out with me don’t mind me talking or in the opposite case don’t mind me being quiet because I’m always listening and will have the best of intentions for you.
Grateful
This weekend has been one of those times that make you grateful for what you have and experience in life thus far. From the simple poke, to spending times with those that you love. Cherishing these moments are just a treat and a simple one at that. But sometimes in life especially these days, these simple treats go by the wayside and being left behind. And not because we don’t care but because we take it for granted.
Taking things for granted is in one way sometimes the worst thing for us. It is worst for us because we don’t take the time to appreciate the people and places that we love. Notice I left the word thing out of the last sentence. I did this because we have to remember that things don’t make us happy and that people and places do. And things can be replaced. I’ll leave it at that.
But this weekend has made me realized what I’m grateful for. Here they are;
I GRATEFUL FOR:
1. Having the most awesome parents that only want the nest for me.
2. Having met and made some of the best of friends that I get to share experiences with.
3. Having special places where I can enjoy my creative mood with.
4. Having friends that allow me to be myself and challenge me by supporting me in my endeavors.
5. Having an opportunity to create and collaborate with people.
6. Being able to help others realize they are capable of so more than they think.
7. Being a resource.
8. Having a “tribe” of friends that genuinely care and cheer me on to do my best and give me the opportunity to be vulnerable.
9. Having found an outlet to letting my voice be heard.
10. Realizing that I can make friends just by listening to what they have to say.
Oliver the Photographer…Goes to CreativeLive (Part #1)
There are things that happen in your life that you sometimes go, why me? Then as you sit there asking yourself that question, it occurs to you that it was because you needed to be there. Somehow the things aligned and you where meant to be there. And a couple of weeks ago I was lucky, blessed, and humbled to have experienced that during my trip to CreativeLive in Seattle, Washington.
If you don’t know what CreativeLive is, in summary it is an on-line classroom where you can learn just about anything in the creative field from blogging to photography to health. You can watch the classes for free during the LIVE event and if you enjoy the class you can purchase the class and rewatch it at your own leisure.
Here’s a video I created from that trip. A full summary of that experience to come soon. Stay tuned.